POSTS FOR 2015

I’m bad at pet names

Family Life113 words1 minutes to read

I have a new girlfriend, and she seems to have an affinity for pet names. Me, I’m not so good at them, but at least I try hard.

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My love, @red_sauce44

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She says it’s an adorable part of my geeky charm. I can live with that.

Cereal

Her: Hey honey bun! How are you?

Me: Look at you… honey bunches of oats!

Breakfast pastries

Her: Could you do me a favor, love muffin?

Me: Sure thing, my little… um… sex bagel.

Hentai

Her: Good morning, love bug.

Me: Good morning my… um… lusty tentacle…

Ryan Parman

is an engineering manager with over 20 years of experience across software development, site reliability engineering, and security. He is the creator of SimplePie and AWS SDK for PHP, patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at WePay, defined much of the CI/CD and SRE disciplines at McGraw-Hill Education, and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at Amazon Web Services in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.