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Rest in Peace, Jonathan Troiano

Death383 words2 minutes to read

The unspeakable monster reached up and grabbed another one. Rest in peace, Sir Jonathan.

There’s a sickness that sometimes infects us. It causes our brains to lie to us. It’s not logical. It’s not sensible. Sometimes all you want is for the pain/frustration/helplessness to stop. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you dream of that sweet relief when it just doesn’t hurt anymore.

But what we don’t realize in the moment, is that it’s nothing more than a monster hiding in the dark, preying on us, whispering lies to us when we are alone. Lies intended to make us think that it’s hopeless, and that all is lost. We always believe our own brains, so it’s difficult to know what is truth and what isn’t, when our brains lie to us.

JT, although we haven’t seen each other in a few years, I’ll miss you. My prayers go out to your parents and your children, especially. I can’t pretend understand how badly they’re hurting right now, but I pray that in time they’ll be able to accept your apology.

There is always help. It might not be ideal, and it might not make all your problems go away, but life is such a precious thing. Find somebody to talk to. Go see a doctor. The first step to working through it is to realize that sometimes your brain lies to you. It’s okay to admit that your brain is sick, and that you can’t solve all of your problems by yourself. It’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help. You should never feel ashamed for asking for help.

People who’ve never experienced depression have a hard time wrapping their brains around what it is and how it works. They can’t fathom why somebody who is so sweet and so good could end things like that. And if the decision were logical, I would agree with you. But it’s not. It’s a disease that can be treated with support from family, friends, and your doctor.

Hug and kiss your loved ones tonight. Pick up the phone and call the friend that you’ve been thinking about but haven’t spoken to in a while. Be thankful that you can spend one more day together. Because life is just so fragile.

Ryan Parman

is an engineering manager with over 20 years of experience across software development, site reliability engineering, and security. He is the creator of SimplePie and AWS SDK for PHP, patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at WePay, defined much of the CI/CD and SRE disciplines at McGraw-Hill Education, and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at Amazon Web Services in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.