POSTS FOR 2004

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

For Funsies764 words4 minutes to read

This is just a bit of fun. I’m pre-emptively telling everyone to chill out.

GEORGE W. BUSH

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle of the road here.

JOHN KERRY

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it.

RALPH NADER

The chicken’s habitat on this side of the road has been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed beneath the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

COLIN POWELL

Now on the left side of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART

No one told me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay , isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to “the other side”. That’s what they call it, “the other side”. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “ the other side”.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. Alone. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. Stay with me, won’t you?

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing the road in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before!

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the Black Man. The chicken crossed “the road” in order to step on the Black Man and repress him!

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

MACHIAVELLI

Who cares why? The point is, the chicken crossed the road. The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

BILL GATES

I have just released Chicken Coop 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system…

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with that chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

AL GORE

I invented the chicken.

COLONEL SANDERS

Did I miss one?

Ryan Parman

Ryan Parman is an experienced software engineer, open source evangelist, and passionate user advocate currently living in Seattle. He is the creator of and , and worked on DevOps and Security at . He is now bringing learning into the digital age as an Engineering Lead and Site Reliability Engineer at . Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than .