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How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity

For Funsies435 words3 minutes to read

For those wondering about more regular updates, they’re coming. :) Until then, I got this email from a friend not too long ago. It’s one of my favorites because I’ve actually done some of these.

  1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

  2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

  3. Insist that your e mail address is: [email protected] or [email protected].

  4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

  5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

  6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

  7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

  8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

  9. In the memo field of all your checks, write ‘for sexual favors.’

  10. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”

  11. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”

  12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

  13. Don’t use any punctuation

  14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

  15. Ask people what sex they are.

  16. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

  17. Sing Along at the opera.

  18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

  19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

  20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.

  21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

  22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

  23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies

  24. Call the psychic hotline and just say, “Guess”

  25. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

  26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!”, “I Won!” “3rd time this week!!!”

  27. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

  28. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do”

  29. Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go”

  30. Everytime you see a broom yell “Honey, your mother is here”

Ryan Parman

is an engineering manager with over 20 years of experience across software development, site reliability engineering, and security. He is the creator of SimplePie and AWS SDK for PHP, patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at WePay, defined much of the CI/CD and SRE disciplines at McGraw-Hill Education, and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at Amazon Web Services in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.