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Death to Recruiters

Clueless Recruiters456 words3 minutes to read

Dear technical recruiters: I hate you. As far as I can tell, the entire technical recruiting community is just a bunch of mindless spammers — and I have the proof.

This is what I have posted on my LinkedIn page:

Recruiters: Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me. Don’t contact me.

No, I’m not interested in your gig, and I don’t know anybody else who is either. I will not whore out my network so that you can do less work. I would rather spend an hour with a sleazy used car salesman than deal with lazy, uninformed technical recruiter ilk. If you message me, I will mark your messages as spam. If you email me, I will add you to my email blacklist.

Do your homework! Spend TWELVE FREAKING SECONDS actually making SOME SORT OF ATTEMPT to see if I’m a good match for the job. Look at WHERE I FREAKING LIVE and stop spamming me with out-of-state jobs. And for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, don’t you DARE talk to me about Java or Oracle Portal. While a small handful of you actually do your homework and try to find good matches for people, MOST of you are just STUPID [email protected]#* ING SPAMMERS, plain and simple.

You have made me hate you all.

For technical recruiters who still contact me anyway telling me about some hawt startup, stop spamming me. You are the used car salesmen of the technical world. Here are some similar thoughts by other people, which bear a striking resemblance to the qualms I have with recruiters:

Ryan Parman

is an engineering manager with over 20 years of experience across software development, site reliability engineering, and security. He is the creator of SimplePie and AWS SDK for PHP, patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at WePay, defined much of the CI/CD and SRE disciplines at McGraw-Hill Education, and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at Amazon Web Services in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.