POSTS FOR 2003

What's In The Box? The PowerPC 970 G5

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This is a snippet of a short article that was posted on As The Apple Turns… a mock-soap-opera-esque e-zine about the latest goings-on of Apple Computer.

Here’s what they had to say:

Speaking of Apple retail stores, more and more sources are climbing on board with reports that Apple’s own outlets and third party resellers alike have received Big, Mysterious Boxes labeled “Do Not Open Until Monday Or We’ll Wear Your Entrails As A Grisly Feather Boa-Like Thingy (Only Without The Feathers).” And we admit that we here at AtAT were mildly concerned about the fact that, with all these Big, Mysterious Boxes all over the place, as far as we could tell, absolutely zero photos of said boxes had materialized— but that was before an AtAT source in the reseller business informed us that the boxes also bear a label which reads, “Distribute Photos Of These Big, Mysterious Boxes And We’ll Still Do The Entrail Thing, Plus We’ll Also Lick Our Fingers And Stick Them In Your Ears, Which Is A Very Unpleasant Experience.” Immediately under those labels are other labels which read, “Someone Just Told Us It’s Called A ‘Wet Willie.’ The Ear Thing, We Mean, Not The Entrails Thing. We Don’t Think The Entrails Thing Has A Name.”

Considering Apple’s WWDC is right around the corner, we may all be jumping for “The 970’s been announced, the 970’s been announced” joy!

Update: Apparently someone at Apple is now fired.

[…] The proverbial cat is out of the bag. Indeed, said cat is not only out of the bag, it also ate said bag, which means it’s pretty much as out of that particular bag as it gets.

Yessirree-Bob, people; apparently if you had been so lucky as to have been cruising the Apple Store between, say, 11:30 PM and midnightish Eastern time last night, you might have noticed that the specs for the Power Mac G4 suddenly seemed a little, well, unfamiliar. Scads of screenshots flooding our inbox show the Power Mac G4’s listed specs as including “1.6 GHz, 1.8 GHz, or Dual 2 GHz PowerPC G5 (970) Processors; up to 1 GHz processor bus; up to 8 GB of DDR SDRAM; Fast Serial ATA hard drives; AGP 8x Pro; three PCI or PCI-X expansion slots; three USB 2.0 ports; one FW800, two FW400 ports; Bluetooth & AirPort Extreme ready; optical and analog audio in and out.” Maybe it’s just us, but that doesn’t sound like any Power Mac G4 we’ve ever seen.

Apple has since rectified that minor inaccuracy (after apparently pulling the whole store offline in a mad panic).

Also…

What’s Intel up to now, in terms of clock speed? 3 GHz? So even if we completely ignore the Megahertz Myth (like, you know, pretty much everyone else does), Apple’s actually going to ship a processor that’s two-thirds the clock speed of Intel’s fastest. When was the last time that happened? And the fact that there are two of them in there, well, let’s do some Joe Shmoe Math, shall we? Lessee, 2 + 2 = 4, and 4 = 3 + 1, so… Apple’s top system must be “one faster” than the Wintel! The company’s success in the marketplace is assured!

This is probably also a Good Thing™.

Check out “As The Apple Turns…” for more of this fantastic Mac info… Wondering what is the PowerPC 970?

Ryan Parman

Ryan Parman is an experienced Software/DevOps/Security engineer, currently living in Seattle. He is the creator of and , patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at , and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at AWS in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.