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I See Dead People

Death274 words2 minutes to read

From time to time, I like to let my mind wander. Today, I began thinking about my Grandpa Nick. He and my grandma split up in 1996, then he died of a heart attack in 1999. I haven’t seen him in nearly 7 years, and I realized today that I miss him.

What if I could have gone back in time to 1995 and warned him about what was going to happen to him. I could warn him that in 1996 his wife would get into the New Age Movement, begin feeling “negative energies”, and leave her husband of 20-someodd years. I would tell him to go see a doctor about the minor heart attacks he was having so that he might prevent “the big one”. And I would tell him that I loved him no matter what was to come. Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time.

I was also thinking about an old friend named Toni. She was my manager back when we worked at a pizza parlor together. She was only three days younger than my mom, but during the time that we worked together, we became very close friends. We would go hang out at her sister’s house after work, and just hang out. She got into a fight with the owner in February 2001, and quit. She moved a few hours away, so I only saw her when she went to go visit her sister. She died of a kidney failure on September 15, 2001. I miss her.

I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye. Either that, or I wish we could say goodbye when we wanted to.

Ryan Parman

is an engineering manager with over 20 years of experience across software development, site reliability engineering, and security. He is the creator of SimplePie and AWS SDK for PHP, patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at WePay, defined much of the CI/CD and SRE disciplines at McGraw-Hill Education, and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at Amazon Web Services in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.