Clueless Recruiters, Issue #7

Clueless Recruiters515 words3 minutes to read

Pure, unadulterated incompetence in this week's episode of Clueless Recruiters! (Cue theme music!)


Recruiter Schlock

Here’s one I got this morning from a clueless recruiter. For reference, here is my résumé.

Subject: Immediate Hiring :: Web Developer :: 6+ Months :: Los Angeles, CA
From: {redacted recruiter email address}
To: {the same redacted recruiter email address}

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Hi Associates,

/me is quizzical

Hope you are doing great !

At least you didn’t say “your”.

Although that’s a weird space at the end of the sentence. Non-native english speaker?

If you are good for the below position please send me your most updated resume along with the contact details.

They’re not even spamming me directly, by name anymore. This is just a cattle call.

Job Title : Web Developer
Duration : 6+ Months
Location : Los Angeles, CA

Required Skills:
One of our client is looking for a Web developer with strong experience on SOA, XSLT and Resful.

I think you mean, “One of our client clients is looking for a Web web developer with strong experience on with SOA service-oriented architecture (e.g., micro-services), XSLT and Resful REST-like web service interfaces.”

I was mistaken. Not only are you clearly a non-native english speaker (which I don’t necessarily mind), but more of a not-going-to-try-very-hard english speaker. Word usage is the issue here instead of sentence structure, which means you’re not simply an American who can’t RITE GUD. You used periods and commas and everything!

Incompetent Americans will shorten you are to ur for brevity (because apparently we all still have Nokia dumb-phones with “T-9” texting), or gleefully confuse then/than, lose/loose, formally/formerly, or to/too/two, but also lack a fundamental understanding of basic sentence structure. The usage of periods and commas in your sentences tells me that you weren’t raised in the American school system. HAHA I FIGURED YOU OUT!

{Name redacted}
Senior Recruiting Manager
{Company redacted}
{Address redacted}
Hackensack, NJ 07601
Voice: {redacted}
Fax: {redacted}
{email redacted}
{www redacted}

That’s it?! No sales pitch? No carrot to dangle to even make me consider packing up my life and moving 6 hours away for a 6-month “gig”? No company name? Is this a 1099 pr W-2 position? What do the stock offerings look like? What is the ballpark salary range, depending on experience?

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Ryan Parman

Ryan Parman is an experienced Software/DevOps/Security engineer, currently living in Seattle. He is the creator of and , patented multifactor-authentication-as-a-service at , and came up with the idea of “serverless, event-driven, responsive functions in the cloud” while at AWS in 2010. Ryan's aptly-named blog, , is where he writes about ideas longer than . Ambivert. Curious. Not a coffee drinker.